image by Veronica V. Jones

Zombies in the USA

As the effect swept across the globe, word spread on emails, blogs and panicked phone calls:

Sylvan, reporting from Eagle Prairie, Minnesota, noted the similarities between normal teenagers and zombies, but teenagers don’t eat the Fraud Department. Here’s hoping the power holds!

Beguine posted a very helpful rundown of undead pathology. It seems our government might know more about this event than they’re letting on.

Astor’s still a little out of the loop, but to be fair; riots in Philly aren’t that unusual.

The undead uprising is still in full effect in the regions struck earlier: In the UK, Crys seemed to be handling things well, but all it takes is one carrier to turn a refuge into a morgue.

Up north in Ontario, the Bruce noticed the strange reactions from local fauna. Are puppies immune to the effect? Have their been any zombie children sighted? I wonder…

I also caught a late report back in western Australia from Heidi Kneale about using sheep for defense against the hungry undead. I’m not sure what Linux has to do with this plan, but feel free to use it: I’m sure it’s Open Source.

Pamela is also fighting the good fight down under, and is hoping her 24th birthday tomorrow won’t be celebrated only by the undead.

Damn! Someone just said they heard scampering from the vents. Did the little rodents get in through the heat pump?

Written by in June of 2008. Last edited March 2017.

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  • Sylvan - June 13th, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    Leavin’ work in Eden Prairie for home in Columbia Heights; wish me luck!

  • drepiratebunny - June 13th, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    rt 9 in MA has come to a standstill. we’re holed up in a gas station garage, gearing up, hoping they’ll lose interest in us so we can make a break for it.
    godspeed all, aim for the head!

  • Cheshil - June 13th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    Word from NPR is that Nepal is being overrun, and the Olympics have been (obviously) canceled. Reports of Chinese zombies, but their government is denying it.

  • Kerry - June 13th, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Im scared :S im all alone in my house with me and my dog!!!

    Im blogging on my myspace ^_^

  • yaseanne - June 13th, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    It’s everywhere in Germany, worst in the cities. Only one radio statio broadcasting what lttle news they get. But we’ve heard helicopters in our rural area, so the military is still around.

  • Phr3d - June 13th, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Thank God some of you people are at least saying “zombies”. My friends are trying to mess with me saying they don’t know what it is, but they’re not stupid. They’d know zombies.

    Anyway, reports coming in from all over, but I’ve seen squat here in Northern Va. Of course I’ve been kind of hiding in my office all day. So I’m still calling this a a hoax until I see otherwise.

  • Di - June 13th, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    Last year was bad enough. This year, I get humiliation along with annoyance.

  • neth - June 13th, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    I’m boarded up in the mountains of Arizona

  • raging_binky - June 13th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    They got Bobby! THEY GOT BOBBY! … does this mean that he’ll become one of them?!?! or is that just in the movies .. what the hell is going on!?!? – should we try and get his body!?!? – wait a sec …

  • Steve - June 13th, 2008 at 4:17 pm


  • Sarah - June 13th, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    Minnesota is especially well-suited to transmission of a zombie plauge via mosquitoes. Something bit me last night, and the itching/swelling has been slowly spreading across my hand…


  • Arthur - June 13th, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    Oh my god. I thought it was just weird people being fools…but, @#%. Also Emeril Legasse is now a zombie. I encountered him at Whole Foods and I didn’t put it together until just now….oh @#%, the margaritas! That’s not grenadine, that’s blood!

  • Lisa - June 13th, 2008 at 5:08 pm

    I am running out of food in the coffee shop in which I’ve sequestered myself, though the CVS next door has an endless supply of candy… It’d be ok, except the 4 dogs I’ve got with me can’t eat chocolate. I’m running out of Purina.

  • Jade - June 13th, 2008 at 5:18 pm


  • Cheshil - June 13th, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    The CDC is calling for evacuations along the Gulf Coast. Terms like “Standard Preventative Biohazard Containment” and “systematically neutralize the infected regions.”


  • Novander - June 13th, 2008 at 5:48 pm


    You know those spam threads on forums where the last post wins? I win the internet.

  • TheStormCellar - June 13th, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    I’m trapped in my workplace which is right above a blood bank in downtown Seattle. One of the blood bank workers had been shouting something about “It’s in the blood.” but she was cut off by some guy biting her in the neck. I’m alone here and have blockaded myself in my boss’s office. So far, I haven’t seen any help anywhere. There are only so many candy bars left in the snack machine. What happens when the blood bank runs out of blood to give the crowd downstairs??

  • Ebony14 - June 13th, 2008 at 6:45 pm


  • apryl_knight - June 14th, 2008 at 1:16 am

    Squirrels, you say…?

    *shuffles outside*

    *nom nom nom*